Perverted Naruto
by Gord
Summary: A bunch of shorts about a Naruto raised from childhood by Jiraiya.


**Perverted Naruto**

**Author's Notes**

These are just a bunch of snippets and stuff I wrote down when they got stuck in my head at one point or another. Not really planning on writing a full serious story cause that takes way to much effort but if someone wants to pick up what I've done just give me a yell so I can read it. Who knows I might even write more scenes for this at some point but that little itch seems to have been scratched by now.

**Young Naruto Arc**

**The beginning**

Jiraiya wasn't really sure why he'd done it. Sure the kid was the son of his student who had just given up his life for the Konoha Village. That wasn't the reason he had decided to take the boy in though. Old man Sarutobi would surely look out for him with the help of the village, especially with the Yondaime's request that the boy be looked at not like the container of the Kyuubi but as a hero that protects the village. He never really did figure out why he had decided to take the kid but he was ever so glad he did. Apparently the ladies loved men who were good with kids.

**5 years later**

Jiraiya had never been as proud of any of his students as he was right now. Naruto had progressed faster than he could have ever imagined, sucking up techniques like none ever had before him. And finally at the tender age of 5 Naruto had completed his first solo mission. His mission you ask? To peep unassisted into the ladies side of the hot springs.

**A few months later**

Naruto continued to surprise Jiraiya. Just a few short months ago he had made his first solo peep and now he had come up with a new way to peep. He decided the mind of a child truly was a great thing as the new technique allowed for a superior peeping session and yet was so simple he wondered how he had never thought of it before. A simple application of the Kage Bunshin. So simple yet so brilliant. By allowing the clone to do the peeping if discovered the clone simply vanishes and no beating is taken and yet all the memories of the peeping are retained. Jiraiya wished he had thought of it all those years ago when he had been caught peeping on Tsunade.

**Zabuza & Haku Arc**

**First meeting with Haku**

Naruto was at the present moment throwing up into some bushes. He had been so sure and his instincts had never failed him before. He'd told everyone he was going to train but he really just wanted to have a peaceful nap. He had awoken to a cute little thing kneeling over him and proceeded to have a conversation while subtlety checking her out. Not much in the chest department he noticed but she may have bound them while she was out collecting herbs. A real shame in his opinion if she did. After an odd little conversation she started to leave but not before mentioning that she was really a boy.

Naruto's thoughts caused him to retch violently again as he realised he had been checking out a guy. Why had his instincts let him down? He curled up in a ball and started to sob. He felt dirty, so very dirty.

**After saving Tsunami from Gato's men.**

Naruto scooped up the obviously still shaken Tsunami and carried her inside after Inari had raced off to gather the village.

"You were very brave Tsunami-san" Naruto whispered softly as he set her down on the couch before sliding in next to her leaning her head down onto his shoulder. As she snuggled in a little deeper he struggled hard to repress the grin that wanted to burst onto his face at the feel of her rather nice breasts brushing against his side.

'Score one for the master!' shouted in his head as he gave himself mental congratulations.

"Thank you" was the whispered reply he received.

They sat in companionable silence for awhile before Naruto turned to her slightly. "I don't mean to sound rude Tsunami-san but did you know you're very beautiful."

A giggle burst from Tsunami's mouth at his cheesy line. "Well aren't you a charmer? Trying to pick up a lady twice your age."

The grin Naruto had been repressing was finally allowed to escape as one of his hands reached up to rub the back of his head. "Well what can I say? My sensei was a pervert so I tried to the opposite of whatever he did. I guess I still picked up some of his bad habits."

Tsunami continued to giggle lightly as she stood up. "You better get to the bridge and check on your friends."

"A good idea" Naruto mumbled as he made a quick check of his gear before turning to leave. Just before he exited the door a hand snatched his arm and swung him back around slamming his face in between a luscious set of breasts as she bent down and kissed him on the forehead.

"Take care!" Tsunami spoke with a light flush and the biggest chesire like grin on her face.

Naruto swiftly headed out the door after he was released mumbling as he reached down to readjust himself.

'One to Tsunami, Minus One million Naruto Uzumaki. Damn teases!"

**Fight on the bridge**

Naruto was a bit late to the fight on the bridge. They couldn't really blame him could they? He was a lover not a fighter and after saving the ever so fine Tsunami from being kidnapped they couldn't hold him holding her in a comforting gesture against him could they?

As he arrived at the bridge he noticed some weird dome that looked like it was made of mirrors. Shrugging it off he realised Sasuke was lying in the middle of it looking like a pin cushion and moved to help him.

'Can't let a team mate die' he thought to himself. 'Heh, who knows, being all cool and coming to his rescue might get me into that little cutie Sakura's good books.'

Haku was surprised when Naruto all of a sudden just appeared in the middle of the dome of ice right next to Sasuke.

Naruto bent down and checked Sasuke's pulse. 'Still alive. Good.' He thought to himself before looking up noticing the mass of reflections of a single person in what he could now see were ice mirrors. Glancing closer his senses started to tingle.

'This... this person is that Haku' he thought to himself trying to suppress a retch. Looking closer he noticed that he wasn't wearing the chocker he was before and his discovery made him growl when he noticed the lack of Adams Apple.

"You!" he growled out loud taking Haku back with his tone. "You really are a girl! You made me think you were a guy and that I was starting to swing the other way! I'll never forgive you for this!"

Naruto's head was down and he was starting to shake. Red chakra started to poor from him swirling around him like a tornado. His face took on a more menacing look as his eyes flickered slightly before settling into a red colour.

Haku didn't have time to register what happened before Naruto had launched himself off the ground and smashed through one of her ice mirrors. Realising she was close to where he was Haku attempted to move to another mirror at a bit safer distance from the enraged boy. She wasn't expecting to have her arm caught as she moved though and barely registered the chakra powered punch crashing into her masked face before she went flying from the dome.

Managing to drag herself from the ground, her shattered mask slipping from her face she saw the infuriated boy charging at her ready to deliver the finishing blow. "Zabuza-san. I can't compete with this boy. I'm sorry" she whispered before closing her eyes. When the punch still hadn't arrived a few moments later she carefully opened her eyes again to see the boy just standing there staring at her. His eyes back to their deep blue colour again.

"Why did you not finish me off?" she asked. "I am no longer any use to Zabuza-san so I am better off dead."

Naruto seemed to debate his answer for a few moments before replying. "With the mask off I remembered how cute you were and I just can't hit such a cute girl" he spoke with a huge grin on his face.

A blush rose on her cheeks before she was distracted. "Zabuza-san!" she screamed before disappearing towards Kakashi and Zabuza's fight.

Kakashi and Zabuza's fight was at its finale. With both Zabuza's arms out of commission he had no way of defending himself from the Copy Ninja's only original attack, the Chidori. A flicker of movement was all he noticed before his eyes widened as someone with long hair was now standing in front of him, arms stretched ready to take the blow.

Kakashi and Haku's eyes widened even more than Zabuza's as both realised the Copy Ninja's attack had been stopped just mere millimetres from Haku's chest by the hand of one Naruto Uzumaki. He was holding Kakashi by the wrist stopping him from ploughing the Chidori through Haku's chest.

"Now Kakashi-sensei, if anyone gets to feel her chest it's going to be me after she made me think I was checking out a guy!"

**Chuunin Exam Arc**

**Just before 2****nd**** part of Chuunin Exam**

"You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death." Anko was grinning madly as she spoke to the gathered Genin hopefuls.

Naruto of course wasn't really paying any attention. He of course had been around his perverted sensei so long that he had started to pick up some of his bad habits, some of them really quite inappropriate at times. For instance as Anko was speaking he was too busy staring at her breasts with his mouth hanging open and some drool starting to dribble out the corner of his mouth. The worst part though was he started to giggle quite loudly drawing attention to himself.

Anko had a short temper at the best of times but when she saw the idiotic look on the boys face who was obviously staring at her tits it managed to set her temper off even faster than normal. With a flick of her wrist she had a kunai in here hand and was flinging it at the boys head.

Naruto of course had his sensei's weakness for women and managed to get nicked by the edge of the blade as it passed by. The sting of being cut managed to wake him from his daze as he noticed a presence appear behind him. He felt a hand come up and caress the right side of his face as another moved up his left taking a bit of blood with it.

"Boys like you die the fastest" Anko whispered lightly into his ear. "After spilling out all the red blood I love all over the place."

Naruto seemed stunned for a few moments before he formulated his reply, one of his now trademark shit-eating grins appearing on his face. "Well I've never really been into the whole blood play scene but for someone as smoking hot as you I'll give it a try!"

**Gennin Exam****: Fight**** with ****the**** 3**** Sound Gennin**

"Phew" a voice spoke into Kin's ear "That Orochimaru is one twisted prick yeah?"

Trying to control her gasp she spun around to come face to face with one Naruto Uzumaki who was sporting a shit eating grin. Leaping out of melee distance and landing in a defensive stance she tried to find words to reply to him.

"Wha? How the hell did you get behind me?" She did finally manage to squeak out.

Naruto's grin never changed as he answered. "Why I woke up and decided to take a stroll. I really didn't feel like getting in Sasuke's way while he's going all physco on your team mate so I spotted a cute girl and decided to come for a chat."

Kin's mouth opened and closed a few times while she tried to think of a reply. When it finally clicked in her mind that he had called her cute a flush starting to creep across her face. When she still hadn't replied a small frown started forming on Naruto's face.

"You're not after Sasuke as well are you? Geez! What's with girls these days I mean sure he's got the whole quite broody thing down but you would think the whole physcotic thing with weird marks all over him would turn the girls off!"

Kin finally managed to find her voice and managed to stutter out a reply. "Ahhh... no, not liking Sasuke while he brutalizes my teammate."

She blinked and found Naruto standing next to her with his arm wrapped around her shoulders and his shit eating grin back.

"So... wanna get some ramen with me after this?"

**Tsnuade Arc**

**After the three way Sannin battle at the baths on the way back to Konoha.**

Naruto couldn't believe it. It was unimaginable. They were real! Dear gods were they real! Naruto could hardly believe his eyes but Tsunade's breasts really were that large. It had been a long time since Naruto had been surprised while peeping but Tsunade had done it. They were absolutely magnificent in their giant loveliness. Moving his eyes to the side a bit he realised he could not discount Shizune either. While no were near as large as Tsunade they were magnificent in their own right.

The snapping of Tsunade's head in his direction told him he'd been caught. 'She's good' he thought. Many years of watching Jiraiya had taught Naruto many things and that was running really should be used as a last option if you had better escape techniques at your disposal. So when Tsunade followed by Shizune stormed up to his hiding spot, now with towels wrapped around them, he prepared his secret escape technique.

Grabbing Naruto by his collar Tsunade growled at him. "Just what do you think you're doing boy!" She was surprised when said boys eyes started to tear up and it looked like he would start crying any second. Her eyes softened some at his face.

'Step one successful!' Naruto giggled to himself internally. 'Now for step two.'

"But Tsunade-baachan, Jiraiya-sensei says that peeping on pretty women is the best way to show them that they are pretty. And you and Shizune-neechan are very pretty so I thought if I peeked on you some that you would cheer up because you went through some tough times." His academy award performance ended when one tear slipped out of his eye and trickled down his cheek. Both women's hearts melted at the sight.

"It's ok Naruto-kun." Shizune whispered as she led him away from Tsunade who was stalking towards Jiraiya's room. "Tsunade just wants to have a word with your sensei."

'Step two successful' Naruto grinned internally. 'Deflected the attack onto the old man and get hugged by a hottie in a towel. Who is the man? Yes, I am the man!'

**Random Snippets**

**Could be anytime**

Naruto couldn't believe it, his masterpiece was finally complete. He closed his eyes and started cackling madly to himself at just the thought of what this could mean. It could revolutionise ninja life, especially if said ninjas needed to be away for long periods of time on missions. It could increase the productivity of these ninjas by over fifty-percent, if not more. He decided he really was a genius.

Finally managing to get his laughing under control he opened his eyes to look at his masterpiece. There standing in front of him was one of his Kage Bunshin transformed by the technique he now dubbed 'Oiroke no Jutsu'.

"Now to test it out!"

His giddiness was halted slightly at a thought before he shook it off.

"It's not gay, it's just masturbation!"

**Could be anytime**

Kyuubi was content. That wasn't to say that he was happy, not with the whole being sealed away thing and all, but he was content. He at least had the fortune to be sealed into someone who took after his own heart. 'Hell' he had thought to himself many time, he could have been sealed into some loud annoying brat.

The reason he was content was pretty simple in the end. Not many people knew this but Kyuubi had a bit of a fetish for human women. Just something about their lovely curves always got to him and he had really no idea why. That's not to say he didn't like other demons, hell there was that one time he came up behind that little hottie female fox demon, grabbed her hips and just... well that is another story.

Of course even fewer people knew the reason Kyuubi had attacked Konoha. It really was a mistake on his part but in his rage he hadn't even realised he was lashing out. See Kyuubi was up to his normal habits when visiting the mortal realm, he was peeping on women. This day he had once again changed into a human form and found himself a spot with a lovely view and was just watching his day away. Unfortunately he must have gotten a bit carried away and one of the better kunoichis had spotted him. The beating was pretty bad but he had taken it like any normal pervert would, curled up in a ball with his hands over his head pleading for mercy.

What had finally set him into a murderous rage though was a low blow. One of those deliciously sexy bitches had just wound up and unloaded a kick fair into his precious parts. He didn't really remember what happened much after that but when he finally returned to his senses he had already been trapped inside the blasted seal.

'It could be worse' he thought to himself. 'I get all the enjoyment now and the boy has to deal with the whole _relationship_ crap'.


End file.
